My Dad's Legacy Shared in 10 Life Lessons

Last Tuesday, May 22nd, my dad would have been 106. The date had become a reflection on my dad's perseverance through a difficult life. From watching how my dad, and my granddad before him, chose to live life to their lives to the fullest and take every opportunity presented to them, I learned the basis from which I make my own decisions. In the wake of my dad's birthday anniversary, I have been pondering on the words of wisdom I have gained from Dad and the life lessons I have learned along the way.

1. There will always be options. Look for open doors that lead to improved well-being. Find a silver lining or the humor in all things stressful.

When September 11th happened, I had been in business for myself just shy of 3 years. In the months that followed the twin towers falling, American business was at a stalemate. The stock market was in ruins, and people moved around like zombies, only going through the motions of the day.

I remember the day the stock market crashed. I stood in my parent's living room, tears streaming down my face and panic gripping my chest as I told my dad I was witnessing the end of my business. At this point, I was continually reinvesting to build my business; so with no liquid assets, I was left with no money to pay the bills. Always the pragmatist, my dad calmly responded, "Honey, I have lived long enough to know that when the door closes, another one will open."

"But Dad," I interjected.

"And if a door does not open," he laughed as he continued, "there are always the windows."

He believed in what I was doing and, as a daddy's girl, never wanted to see me hurt. His best medicine was always laughter. In thinking back about that conversation, he was right; life is a series of open doors. My dad came from humble beginnings, and yet, he chose to see the positives.

2. A financial situation can always be worse. Work hard and keep working: it will pay off.

My dad grew up poor and picking cotton from the time that he could stand. His dad was an itinerant farmer, which is a fancy word for working on other people's land as needed for low wages. Granddaddy bought land around town when he could, but then the Great Depression hit, and he lost it all. Dad's mom sold cosmetics farm to farm but died from the flu when my dad was just 12 years old. With the exception of a few aunts that lived in town, Dad and Granddad were mainly on their own.

With all the hardships of his past, I never heard Dad complain about growing up poor; then again he might not have known the difference. Radio was the primary form of communication in his youth. Otherwise, some magazines displayed glamorous photos, but I'm not sure how many of those he actually saw during those years. The lack of national and international media meant fewer opportunities to compare and contrast his life to others. That is the debilitating dilemma of our society's fascination with social media today.

Dad's academic career consisted of one college semester. That was before the Great Depression hit, and he dropped out to get a job. He talked about quite a few career changes during those years. Amongst them was washing dishes at Red Bryan's BBQ in Dallas and selling tires farm to farm with Firestone, doing whatever he needed to do to earn a living.

3. No one single job prepares you for another, but instead, it is the series of tasks and the culmination of experiences. There is something to be learned from every client, every deadline, and every speaking engagement.

Dad's life took another turn with the start of World War 2. His best friend, Uncle Bud, was recruited for the Army's Special Forces, The Devil's Brigade. Before his deployment, he took a trip back to their hometown where he encouraged Dad to join the Navy rather than wait to be drafted.

Dad followed Uncle Bud’s advice, and after enlisting in the Navy, he was sent to the Alaskan Aleutian Islands after they were bombed by the Japanese. His time in Alaska formed the man I later came to know as my Dad. Through his role as the purveyor of supplies, he gained organizational skills. From being entrusted with Officer-level duties, he exhibited leadership skills. And by climbing cliffs at the sound of air raid sirens warning the troops of the imminent danger they were in, he learned critical survival skills. 

Dad loved to recount meeting the Admiral over the South Pacific fleet and tell stories of how the brutally cold weather engulfed the troops or of men who took their own lives after getting Dear John letters from their wives back home. Overall, he spoke fondly of his time there, even with all the stories of hardship. After all, they were the moments that shaped him.

4. Providing nourishing meals may require hard work, but the memories built in your kids' hearts will be well worth it.

Fast forward to after the war, Dad met and married my mom, who had two children from a prior marriage. A short time later, my brother and I were added to the family. He started a building business in Arlington with his dad and went on to build many of the homes still standing in Arlington, Texas, including the homestead where I live now.

My dad made a business decision to stop building homes and start remodeling existing homes to sell. This, however, was during a time before flipping houses was a million dollar business. I remember winters and many rainy days where he was restless to be on the job, most likely due to the weight & responsibility of providing for his family. There was no paid time off; if he didn't work, he didn't get paid.

Growing up, I held the firm belief that cornbread and navy beans with a glass of buttermilk were Dad's favorite meal. It was not my favorite meal, but it seemed to give dad great pleasure, and he made the most of it. It wasn't until my 40's that I realized cornbread and beans were not my dad's favorite dish, but the result of having a family to feed and little money to do so.

My parents learned to garden to help provide food for the table. I learned to pull weeds, pick beans, squash, & zucchini, and protect tomato plants from Springtime hail. Occasionally, when Dad didn't curse it out of existence, Mom & I would enjoy fried okra, often counting the pieces to be fair.

They began canning the vegetables so they could be enjoyed throughout the year. I still find myself nostalgic for my Mom's chow-chow sauce; there is simply nothing like it on the grocery store shelf, and I cherish those meals of beans, cornbread, and chow-chow sauce.

5. Do not get stuck in how it has been done in the past but be willing to change for a more profitable future.

Wisely, one of the things Dad did when building or remodeling a home, was trade the buyer’s existing home plus cash for the new(er) home. These homes often became his rental houses, which provided consistent income to supplement the days he was unable to work and to save for retirement. 

It was a smart business move. We sold the last rent house just before Dad turned 90 years old. The rent houses truly did pay dad and mom's way through life. Daddy used to say he didn't budget to live into his nineties, but having the rent houses allowed my parents to grow old and financially stable. While they were not wealthy, their needs were provided for, and in the end, that is what matters.

6. Life's open doors all come down to choice.

In the midst of bidding and working jobs, Dad became involved in his community by serving on the Arlington Independent School District Board for over 21 years. He was also involved in our church, the Masons and any other committee where he was needed. I'm not sure he ever said no. His heart was full, and he had much to give. And give he did.

Over the years, you will discover your passion in spite of all the obstacles that appear to block your way. There are no true obstacles that could keep you from doing what you want to do; there are only the ones that reside in your head. Keep at it and be determined. Do not let anyone or anything dissuade you from your goal.

7. What others view as a weakness is actually your strength.

My stubbornness has given me the ability to persevere. My independence has given me the ability to take risks. My talkative nature has given me the ability to speak in front of thousands. My dad pointing it out on so many occasions taught me to shut up and listen. Do not let your fear of failure keep you from your potential success.

Think outside the box and never be stagnant. Determine to have a life of motion and keep moving forward to open other doors, even if it is only one toe at a time.

8. Decide to be the very best at whatever you are doing. 

That might require classes, it might require time or more than a few sacrifices, but hang in there and see it through. Never settle for mediocrity.

9. Invest.

Sometimes investing is not just financial but also investing in time spent on others. Life is not just about you. I'm sure you have been told this throughout your life, as have I. Over the past fifty years, this has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. Life does not revolve around what I want to do or what I selfishly would like to happen. No, not at all.

Every day I have to embrace this mindset and when I do, I have been able to let go of complaining about life and start maximizing my encounters with people. I choose to speak kindness, to cloak myself in understanding, to make a difference, to listen, to not complain about everything I cannot change and be a catalyst for that which I can change.

10. Be an agent of change.

We all have the ability and the means to improve the society we live in. Make a positive impact on those around you, and you will not be disappointed. Regardless of your past, regardless of how you feel you have been treated, invest in others' hearts in some form. Find a cause you are passionate about and dedicate yourself to it, whether in the form of resources or time, any way you can help makes a difference. 

The open doors of your future are determined by your choices and not just the big decisions, but the small ones too. Not every decision you make will be right and not every decision will be life-changing. Though, some are, so choose wisely. But remember, your timeline is unique to you. Don't compare your series Open Doors to that of others. While you may have some of the same doors at the same time as your peers, ultimately yours are different because they are on your timeline. 

If you had told me when I was younger that all the doors that have opened would be more than I could have ever imagined, I wouldn't have believed you. I stand amazed at my life; there honestly has never been a dull moment. Never in my wildest dreams did I believe that I could make a difference in so many lives and businesses.

If you had told Dad when he was younger he would have a junior high named after him in Arlington, he would have never believed you. I met a gal this past week whose parents home was remodeled by my dad and who ended up working at Gunn Jr. High. She knew him on both levels and couldn't say enough good things about the man my father was. I often tell young dads that there is no greater privilege than for a daughter to be a daddy's girl. I love my dad and miss him every day, but he left me with a legacy of life lessons.

I truly believe there has never been another time in history where such a vast array of opportunities exists. Life will have inevitable hardships, but it is how we choose to navigate ourselves through the ups and downs that shapes who we are.

It is your timeline, your open doors, and your choice.

The future is yours for the making.

The Importance of Team Dynamics

If there is one thing I am passionate about, it is the Texas Ranger's baseball team. In 1972, the new Arlington Stadium became the home of the Rangers and where I worked through high school. Now, I am a proud season ticket holder. The games are a mini-vacation from life, in short, they're my vice. From my seats, I can see everything on the field and dugout, including the players themselves, which are more interesting to watch than you would think. #humanbehaviorstalker

We won very few games those first few years but finally made it to a World Series in 2010 and 2011, only to fail in the end. BUT, my Rangers finally made it to the World Series, and that is what counts! I had been waiting for 38 very long years, and it was a fantastic experience!

The euphoria, however, was short-lived. In June 2012, my team fell apart. It was downhill for the rest of the season, losing the division title on the last day. The discouragement was evident in the players who no longer congratulated or motivated one another. I watched a frustrated coach not respond or react. The players sat on the bench with their heads down, no longer interested in hanging on the rail to watch the game play out.

It was heart-wrenching to watch a talented team fail. It was like bearing witness to a fatal injury but being helpless to stop it. The only thing left to do was to support the life-saving efforts with a heavy heart. It's been seven years of unending torture.

This year is different. We have new players in our dugouts. We are still the bottom feeders of the American League West, but the players are finally having fun again. From shouts of encouragement to laughter in the sidelines, their genuine enjoyment of the game is breathing life back into the team and the fans.

What’s my point?

A single person in the dugout can poison the entire team and sometimes talent is not worth the negativity. Your patients "see" the attitudes of your employees, but it is the coach (leader) that sets the tone.

Negative Players
Part of the problem beginning in 2012 was a poisonous player. His name, along with his personal issues, were all over the media. It affected the team and infected other players. If it was evident from my seat overlooking the dugout, then it was apparent to the other side who could and did take advantage.

All it takes is one person to ruin a day. Acts of negativity pollute other employees' attitudes and make staff members wish they worked elsewhere. We are human, and as such cannot be cheery all the time, but disposition makes or breaks the tone in the dugout.

It was baseball legend, Tommy Lasorda, who said, “There are three types of baseball players: Those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who wonder what happens.”
He is right both on and off the field! It is difficult to be a negative player and still have determination, drive, and hunger for the win. If you watch the dugout, no one hangs around the negative player. They are poison to the team.
Talented but Negative

You're probably familiar with the saying one bad apple can spoil the bunch, but did you know it is a scientific fact? A gaseous hormone called ethylene causes the apples in the bunch to speed up their ripening process.

A recent embezzlement investigation featured a practice manager pointing the finger at a front desk employee, continuously restating to the owners what the employee had allegedly told her. It was accusatory, and I found nothing to back up it up. I meticulously combed through the practice software and bank records and found nothing. The practice manager was tenacious with the doctors, though; and at her insistence, they were ready to fire the employee until I convinced them to wait and watch.

To be still and observe behavior is often quickly dismissed in the interest of expediency.

Sure enough, the practice manager was calling in prescriptions for herself using the doctor's DEA number. They had a much more significant problem on their hands than most realize. Due to the soaring opioid epidemic, each state now has a prescription drug monitoring program which makes it easy to validate prescriptions by DEA number.

Patients See
Do you wonder what your patients say about your practice after they leave? I read a Facebook blast from a friend about a local dental practice. "They have such bad attitudes there. The gal sitting at the desk was texting on her phone and didn't even look up at me when I was standing there. There was no ‘friendly' interaction with anyone. They don't seem to like working there very much. Well, guess what – I don't like going there either, and I've decided it will be my last visit."

I was mortified for the practice, but the reality is the problem is greater than this single patient and more expansive than this particular practice.

What Are Your Patients Seeing? 
Do they see your team standing at the rail, cheering for their team's successes and supporting each other during the busy times? Does your staff enthusiastically greet, or simply process your patients as part of their day? Do they have a fire in their belly to tackle the hardest schedule? Are they compassionate to listen to their patient's hearts?

A great employee will know their products and procedures, they will go above and beyond to get to know their customers, and they will be in tune to what they are truly looking for, not just what they came in to buy.

One great employee equals three good employees. Ask yourself, are your employees great or are they just filling a spot on the roster?

I hated it when my mom used to say, "I don't like your tone, young lady," but the fact is, tone does speak volumes. Does your team support and encourage each other? Listen to how they interact with one another. What is the tone? What is your tone as their leader?

Building a Team
It takes time to build a team. As a Ranger's fan, we have had many fun years and many more disappointing "rebuilding" years. Through the frustration, I have remained a fan. I keep going back for a disappointing loss, mostly because I love baseball and hope is eternal. I have met quite a few players through the years and in some strange way, I have built a "relationship" with my team.

During the hard building years of your practice, do your patients keep coming? Are you building individual relationships? In the growing social media presence, do not forget, a patient who feels valued will return. What, if anything, are you doing to address their concerns?

A Leader Sets the Tone
1940’s MLB catcher Al Lopez said, “Do what you love to do and give it your very best. Whether it’s business or baseball, or the theater, or any field. If you don’t love what you’re doing and can’t give it your best, get out of it. Life is too short.”

Owning a business is larger than your clinical skills. It is being determined to be the very best in every aspect of your practice. If you do not know, learn. Set the tone of your practice, cultivate positivity. Develop a sense of curiosity – who is where, who does what, and what are the goals this month? Be intentionally involved in every aspect of the practice.

Texas Rangers’ CEO and former major league pitcher Nolan Ryan said, “One of the beautiful things about baseball is that every once in a while, you come into a situation where you want to, and where you have to, reach down and prove something.”

Digging deep to become and do what needs to be done can be one of the most rewarding achievements in life. Never be satisfied with status quo. Asking “how can we make this team better” produces winning teams.

Are you a fan of your own practice? Are you your team's biggest supporter? If not, how can you learn, adapt and grow into the role?


Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a game on tonight, and I need to get ready. Play ball!

PLAN Your Year of Success

Plan Your Year of Success

The running theme for my new year’s posts have been making it Your Best Year Yet. Not only has it stuck with me these past few years, it has proven to be a tried and true method that has me truly reflecting and improving upon myself and my business. So, without further ado, let’s get into making this our best year yet!

Was Last Year Your Best Year Yet?

One thing I know for sure, is that a great year is one that has been sweat over. A great year does not just happen on its own, it has to be analyzed for what works, rid of what doesn’t work, and expounded on what has been working.

This time last year, I sent out a newsletter titled ‘Your Best Year Yet.’ In the letter, I asked whether you had written down goals for 2017, if you accomplished your previous year’s goals and whether or not you felt your year was successful.

So, how did you do?

Was it your best year yet?

Did you reflect upon your practice?

Analyzed your successes and failures?

Did you make any changes?

If your answer to these questions is a
resounding no, then what happened?

I’ve made it easy for you to start this year. Download the 2018 Practice Review and start answering those tough questions. Take your time to contemplate and answer. It will not be a waste of time. Be thoughtful when you answer.

We all set out to make resolutions during the new year, but what sets us apart, to actually make it our best year yet, is looking last year hard in the face. We must make tough decisions; create clear, concise goals; develop an implementation plan and follow through, regardless of how hard it is.

As a member of The Academy of Dental Management Consultants (ADMC), we have opportunities to attend regional continuing education meetings throughout the year. In our first quarter regional meetings, we take time to peer review our businesses, brainstorm ways of maximizing efficiency and share tips and resources we have found to be beneficial. If you find yourself struggling to keep on track with your business goals, then I highly recommend contacting a consultant that is an active member of the ADMC to gain insight in your own goal planning and implementation.

Are You Planning to Make 2018 Your Best Year Yet?

It won’t happen by accident. It does require planning.

I can give you all the information you need to maximize the systems and procedures for your practice, but it does no good if you do not use them. A successful business does not happen by accident, but takes careful planning and implementation.

So, what goals are you implementing this year?