This is the time of year that memories flood our hearts of
holidays past, as we are preparing for the holiday ahead.
For many, there are loved ones no longer here to share in
their laughter or there are changes in their own lives that affect long held
holiday traditions. But then, for some,
there are little new feet that prance through the home, overflowing with bursts of giggles,
creating new memories to hold dear.
The holidays mean different things to different households: a
joyful reminder of what’s been gained this year or a sorrowful reminder of what
(or who) has been lost this year.
It’s the winding down of the year and the anticipation of an
even better New Year. Or a thankful
close to a difficult year and the gratefulness for hope of a different new year
outcome.
My parents are a very large part of my fondest Christmas
memories. Daddy was the first one in to decorate
for Christmas and the first to open presents under the tree. Mom spent days baking cookies, pies, and candy. The scales were ignored during our holidays
and I am convinced Mom’s “love language” was cooking.
After Dad passed, the holidays contained a little less
laughter but, in 2010, my mom hosted a house full of family. I’m sure you could smell her savory cooking
down the block. Every Christmas morning
that I can remember, she served homemade cinnamon rolls – one pan with raisins and
one pan without. You best be quick if
you wanted more than one cinnamon roll because they quickly disappeared.
There was lots of laughter and joy that year. Grandkids and their kids squealed as they ran
through the house, in and out the doors.
There was only one volume – really loud, which was just fine with mom because
she could then hear them clearly!
I was knee deep in an embezzlement case and it had consumed
me, both my time and my thoughts. I took
all the visiting family being there as an opportunity to be able to work, since
I was the primary on-site caregiver. Oh,
I didn’t work on Christmas day but I missed all the other days, like when my
mom taught my niece how to make cinnamon rolls.
And, I remember my brother-in-law asking if I was ok because I was so
abnormally quiet. I was consumed with my
work.
I don’t remember much about that Christmas except those two
things not because of a bad memory but because I wasn’t present. I didn’t shut “it” off. When I was asked to do something, I’d laugh
and say, “Embezzlers don’t stop for a holiday.”
In fact, that’s one of the embezzler’s most active times.
What I didn’t know was it was my mom’s last Christmas.
I have absolutely no regrets for all the time that I spent
with both my parents through those sixteen years of caregiving but I do regret
not taking off during that last Christmas together with Mom.
I was given a gift of one remaining Christmas to store up more
memories: of her at 97 years old playing on the floor with her great grandkids, of her delighting one last time in
providing all the delectable tasties to her kids, grandkids and great grandkids. I blew it and there is no way to recapture
it.
But, I have learned from that important Christmas. My business is now officially closed while family
is in town. This year, it is closed from
December 23 through January2. I will
still check emails and answer urgent phone calls in the mornings, but there are
little feet in the house that will demand attention and I plan on giving it by
getting my 60 year old body down on the floor to play. I can’t build memories for them (or me) if I
am unavailable.
This year, I encourage you to first pour your energy in to
your family. Be present with who is
there with you. Create a beautifully bowed basked to store all the silenced cell phones
away in another room. Get the games out. Spend time
laughing with each other and loving on each other. Being gluten free
now makes the baking a challenge but the smells have begun to permeate the
neighborhood once again.
By the way, that is me many years ago in the first picture, standing in front of the fireplace in the home that my dad built. The second picture is the same fireplace in what is now my home. Both of my parents are represented in the decor. It's hard not to miss them this time of year.
My hope for you? To have a very amazing Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah
this year.
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